Tag Archive: almanac

Mar 31 2017

Offbeat Almanac – April 2017

April 1:  Of course we all know today as April Fools Day, but did you know it is also Edible Book Day?  No joke!  Personally, I prefer a more figurative approach to my book devouring but hey, if literal is your thing, then today is your day!  Though might I suggest you try a hearty bowl of alphabet soup instead?

April 2: It’s National Peanut Butter and Jelly Day!  Celebrate today by cracking open a fresh jar of your favorite peanut butter and making yourself a sandwich!  Think of all the childhood memories you’ll be reliving.  Or if you’re like me and can’t have peanuts, use your favorite peanut butter substitute.  Just make sure you cut off the crusts!

April 3: Today is Don’t Go To Work Unless It’s Fun Day!  I think the celebratory method is pretty self explanatory.  Your boss might try to argue with you, but you can simply show them this article and explain that it’s a recognized national holiday.  Don’t worry, I’m sure you’ll find something else soon….

April 4: I’m not sure any of us are going to want to observe today as it is World Rat Day.  I know some folks thing rats are an under appreciated animal but I have to admit, I’m not really one of them.  Nevertheless, if you are a rat lover, then today is your day.  Just don’t be too cheesy about it!

April 5:  Today we observe one of my favorite holidays with Deep Dish Pizza Day!  Who can resist a thick, crunchy, and fluffy crust topped with gooey mozzarella and pepperoni?  Celebrate today by supporting your favorite pizza place!  Order a half a dozen larges – after all you don’t want to be caught unawares if there’s a sudden pizza shortage!

April 6: It’s Teflon Day!  Don’t worry, it’s only one day and I don’t believe this holiday will really stick.

April 7:  Laundry piling up?  Dishwasher not loaded? Living room still not vacuumed?  Don’t stress as today is National No Housework Day!  Put your feet up and relax a little.  All the chores will still be there tomorrow.  (at which point maybe you can get someone else to do it for you!)

April 8:  Let the little kid in you roam free as today is Take Your Parents to the Playground Day!  Admittedly, if you’re like me and you’re in your 40’s with parents in their 80’s, this might look a little odd but are you really going to let that stop you?  I hear that merry go round calling your name!  Hopefully you won’t barf this time….

April 9:  I don’t want to alarm you but, today is National Chicken Little Awareness Day!  Don’t worry, I checked, the sky is still there.

April 10:  Today is National Sibling Day!  (Is not!) (Is too!)  (Is not!)  (Is too!)  (Moooom!)

April 11:  It’s National Be Kind to Lawyers Day! No really, you have to be nice to them today or they’ll sue.

April 12:  Today is one of my favorite holidays with Drop Everything and Read Day!  When your boss or spouse or significant other starts hassling you about spending the entire day reading, send them here.  These holidays are important after all!

April 13: Today is Scrabble Day! Be zealous, exultant, and exuberant in your celebrations!

April 14:  It’s Dictionary Day!  Use the day to brush up on some of those words you didn’t think of during Scrabble Day yesterday.

April 15:  Bet you can’t figure out what holiday today is!  Circus Day?  (Well, OK, yeah) Alien Appreciation Day?  (Nope!) Give up?  It’s Take a Wild Guess Day!  (See what I did there?)

April 16:  Today is an eggselent holiday with Eggs Benedict Day!  Coincidentally (or perhaps not so) it is also Easter.  Why not put your leftover Easter eggs to good use and make some Eggs Benedict out of them?

April 17:  Today is Blah Blah Blah Day!  Which I suspect is the noise you hear in your head as you’re reading this column….

April 18:  It’s Velociraptor Awareness Day, today!  Trust me, if I were to ever encounter a velociraptor you can be assured that I would be VERY aware of it!

April 19: We’ve celebrated this one in the past but I feel it is worth commemorating again:  it’s National Wear Your Pajamas To Work Day!  Put on your favorite footies or your Wonder Woman sleeper and head to the office!  I’m sure your boss will understand.  After all, you and HR are old friends by now!

April 20: Today is Lima Bean Respect Day.  Let’s be honest, do any of us really think Lima beans deserve any respect?  Eat a green cupcake instead.  You’ll enjoy it more.

April 21: Is Tuna Rights Day!  Honestly, I think there’s something fishy about this holiday, but I cod be wrong.  I don’t wish tuna any eel will, however, so if it’s rights they want, it’s rights they shall have!

April 22: It’s National Day of Puppetry!  Even if you have to pull a few strings to do so, I’m certain you can find a way to celebrate today!  If not, I’m sure someone would be willing to lend you a hand!

April 23:  Today is English Language Day.  It also happens to to be Talk Like Shakespeare Day!  Celebrate by throwing out words like “forsooth” and “verfily” into your conversation.  Would the Bard steer you wrong?

April 24:  Get ready to ham it up as it’s National Pigs in a Blanket Day! First mentioned in 1957 in Betty Crocker’s Cooking for Kids, this fun little pastry is also known as devils on horseback.  Somehow that just doesn’t sound quite as appetizing!

April 25: It’s International Marconi Day!  Named after Guglielmo Marconi, the 1st Marquis of Marconi, who was the first person to send a wireless transmission across the Atlantic, International Marconi Day is a virtual gathering of radio aficionados who broadcast around the world using the same radio technology Marconi used.  Celebrate like it’s 1901 and join the festivities by tuning in!  Or you can just pretend you know what you’re talking about and wish everyone you see today Happy Marconi Day.  Your choice.

April 26:  Today is a sedimental holiday for some.  In fact, on a scale of 0 to 9.5 I’d say it’s a pretty solid 7 for most.  Celebrations may leave you quaking in your boots, but don’t be shaken, I know you’ll be back on solid footing soon.  It’s National Richter Scale Day!

April 27:  – — -.. .- -.– / .. … / — — .-. … . / -.-. — -.. . / -.. .- -.– # / -.. .- … …. / — ..-. ..-. / .- -. -.. / -.-. . .-.. . -… .-. .- – . / .- -.-. -.-. — .-. -.. .. -. –. .-.. -.– #

April 28:  Look!  It’s a bird!  It’s a plane!  No, it’s simply National Superhero Day.  Wear a cape and celebrate your favorite superhero today!  Unless your favorite is Wolverine in which case the whole Edward Scissorhands thing could get awkward when trying to greet your co-workers.  On second thought, celebrate on the down low today.  After all, you don’t want to give away your secret identity, do you?

April 29:  Today is Viral Video Day!  Whether you’re enthralled by the Ninja Cat or you’re angry at being Rick-Rolled, today is your day!  Sit back, relax, and YouTube all your favorite viral videos.  Just be careful and don’t let Charlie bite your finger ’cause ain’t nobody got time for that!

April 30:  Uh… What’s up, Doc?  It’s duck season!  No, it’s rabbit season!  Actually, it’s Bugs Bunny Day!  Queue up “What’s Opera, Doc?” or “The Rabbit of Seville” and relax!  Hopefully Elmer Fudd won’t find you, but if he does, just drop an ACME anvil on his head and continue your day.  Don’t worry, he’ll recover in time for his honeymoon with Bugs!

Jul 01 2015

The Offbeat Almanac – July 2015

Everyone is aware of the major holidays.  Sure, people observe things like Canada Day, the Fourth of July, Easter, Mother’s Day, etc.  What often goes unacknowledged, however, are the more unusual holidays.  When is the last time you observed Manatee Appreciation Day or Tolkien Reading Day, (March 25th) or even Elvis’ birthday (August 8th)?

Given that July has two of the aforementioned major holidays, it seems appropriate that it is also National Picnic Month, National Hot Dog Month, National Ice Cream Month and most importantly, National Anti-Boredom Month.

July 1 is Canada Day.  Oddly enough, National Poutine Day is April 11.  One would think that those in charge of these things would have planned better, but alas, no.  According to Ottawa Magazine, the best place to picnic in Canada’s capital city is Watson’s Mill.  Slightly off the beaten path, it provides a quiet spot to spread your blanket and enjoy your maple spread.  While there, perhaps you can take a couple of hours to pull out your tablet and stream any of the many movies with Ottawa’s beloved native son, Dan Ackroyd.

In addition to Canada Day, one should also be certain to observe International Joke Day with your favorite bad pun.  (What kind of flooring do lizards have?  Reptile!)

Moving on to July 2nd, we have World UFO Day.  I’ll pass on your regards to my favorite Martian.

July 3rd is a little less exciting with National Disobedience Day.  I demand that you refuse to celebrate this one.

This brings us to July 4th.  Of course, everyone recognizes this day as American Independence Day, but did you know that it’s also National BBQ Spareribs Day?  Sounds like the perfect meal while also celebrating National Hillbilly Day and National Country Music day!

If you’re not too exhausted after your Independence Day celebrations, you can celebrate National Apple Turnover day and National Graham Cracker Day on July 5th.  I don’t know how graham crackers and apple turnovers would taste together, but what better day to find out?  Just be careful how many you eat since it is also National Bikini Day!

July 6 happens to be one of my favorite days in the Offbeat Almanac as it is National Fried Chicken Day!  As with National Poutine Day, you would think those in charge of these things would have made it coincide with Colonel Sanders birthday (September 9), but unfortunately we were again not consulted on these matters.  No one is completely certain when the idea of frying chicken came about, but it is known that the Ancient Romans used to fry chicken with olive oil, fish sauce, and various herbs and spices.  Sounds delicious and the perfect dish to take along with you while you’re in the park still observing National Picnic Month!

July 7, marks both Chocolate Day and National Strawberry Sundae Day which seems fitting in a month that celebrates, in part, ice cream.  July 7 also marks the birthday of Otto Rohwedder, who invented sliced bread.  Which I suppose makes every July 7th since the best thing that’s happened since sliced bread!

July 8 has another of my favorite holidays:  Video Games Day.  If by this time you’re sick of the summer heat and humidity, then what better excuse to cancel all your plans and stay inside? While you’re playing, you can snack on a candy bar in honor of National Milk Chocolate with Almonds Day!  Or, if you prefer, you can queue up your favorite comedy on Netflix as a way to observe SCUD Day! (Savor the Comic, Unplug the Drama Day) Come to think of it, that sounds like a great way to celebrate nearly every day!

If you’re not a chocolate fan or your sweet tastes run of a simpler nature, then July 9th – National Sugar Cookie Day – is for you!  Give some to your favorite little kid, send them home to their parents and enjoy the show!  Don’t worry, you can thank me later.

On July 10, after you’ve binged on Netflix and played all your video games, you might feel a need to venture outside again.  What better day for that than Teddy Bear Picnic Day?  Grab your beloved teddy bear, pack a lunch, and embrace the day.  Don’t worry about getting strange looks. It’s also National Pina Colada Day so just raise your glass and smile!  Perhaps you’ll make a new friend in time for Cheer Up The Lonely Day on July 11!

Skipping ahead past World Population Day (July 11) and National Pecan Pie Day (July 12) to July 13 which has two holidays that go well together:  Embrace Your Geekiness Day and Barbershop Music Appreciation Day.  Let your geek flag fly and join a barbershop quartet!  Ask your new friend and your teddy bear to come along for support!

July 14 is most noted for Bastille Day, but did you also know that it’s Pandemonium Day and National Nude Day? You can celebrate by creating a little pandemonium streaking at a baseball game!

July 15 has three holidays that are especially important to animal lovers:  National Pet Fire Safety Day, National I Love Horses Day, and Cow Appreciation Day.  Go hug your cow or horse while checking their fire safety plan.  One can never be too careful!

July 16 is National Corn Fritters Day and Fresh Spinach Day.  While I’m all for corn fritters, I’d just as soon skip over the spinach!

Find some respite from the heavy foods and summer heat on July 17 with National Peach Ice Cream Day!  Sprinkle a little cinnamon on top and share it with your pet pig for Yellow Pig Day!

On July 18 get away from all the sweets with Caviar Day.  Sure it’s expensive and kind of gross, but never fear it’s also Toss Away the Should Haves and Could Haves Day!  So for one day kick back and live like one of the 1%!

July 19 tells us that having days dedicated to specific ice cream flavors isn’t good enough.  Thus we have National Ice Cream Day!  It’s also National Daiquiri Day so I suggest a little experimentation:  Daiquiri ice cream!

Next, we come to July 20 in which we have National Fortune Cookie Day and National Get Out of the Dog House Day.  Maybe you can take your spouse to their favorite Chinese restaurant as a token of goodwill.  Hopefully your fortune cookie will have some sage advice on how to fix whatever you did wrong!

July 21 kicks off National Junk Food Day.  Finally, a holiday that I can really get into!  Of course, this begs the question of what is junk food precisely?  Obviously it’s food that is considered bad for you but almost anything in excess is bad for you.  Just ask the guy in China whose eyes turned green after eating too many river snails! (Seriously, look it up!)

For me, celebrating National Junk Food Day is likely going to entail a juicy hot dog, some onion rings, maybe some chocolate, and then later that night, lots and lots of regret with a nice helping of heartburn!

July 22 was surely invented as the perfect follow up to National Junky Food Day, for today is Hammock Day!  What better excuse for resting off all the junk food you ate yesterday? Don’t forget your sunscreen of course, since it’s not National Lobster Day (June 15)!

July 23rd may seem repetitive in that it is Hot Dog Day, but who says we can’t spice it up a little?  Bratwursts are technically a hot dog, right?  So fire up the grill, relish in your favorite bratwurst, lay back in that hammock and ketchup on a good book!  (Get it?  Relish? Ketchup? Sorry I’ll save that for Tell an Old Joke Day on July 24.)

July 24 is a great day in a week that contains National Junk Food Day and that is Drive Thru Day!  It is also National Tequila Day and National Cousins Day so call your favorite cousin, confess your recent junk food binges, and drown your regret!

July 25 gets slightly away from the junk food theme with Culinarians Day.  You don’t need to be a chef or enjoy cooking to celebrate this day.  Go visit your folks (or parental figure) a day early for Parents Day, and enjoy their culinary skills.

July 26 in addition to being Parents Day also happens to be Aunt and Uncle day.  On top of that it happens to be National Bagelfest Day.  Celebrate by checking out that new bagel shop you’ve been wanting to try with Mom, Dad or one of their siblings.

July 27 will definitely be a fan favorite as it is National Scotch Day.  Some trivia:  under the Scotch Whiskey Regulations of 2009, scotch must be produced and distilled in Scotland, have a minimum alcohol by volume (ABV) of 40 percent (which means it’s 80 proof), and be aged at least three years in Scottish oak casks.  Wow, people take scotch seriously!  Just don’t imbibe too much or you may be faced with a police officer explaining to you that wearing pants is still required for Take Your Pants for a Walk Day!

July 28 offers the perfect follow up to the exercise and drinking you did yesterday with National Milk Chocolate Day.  Milk Chocolate is one of my favorites so I’ll be celebrating this day.  National Hamburger Day is also celebrated on this day, but I’m not sure how a hamburger made of milk chocolate would be so I suggest you don’t combine your festivities.

July 29 I predict is going to be another favorite for many:  National Lasagna Day.  I’m not a fan of lasagna myself so I won’t be marking this occasion, but it just so happens to also be National Chicken Wing Day which is a holiday I am absolutely in favor of!

July 30 presents an excellent way to wrap up a month of food with National Cheesecake Day.  Cheesecake is the one thing I’ve heard many people say they love almost more than they love their spouse or significant other.  In fact, if anyone has an amazing recipe for gluten-free cheesecake crust, my own husband might well love you forever!

July 31 ends the month on a slightly healthier note with National Raspberry Cake Day.  I think cheesecake counts as a cake, so celebrate by eating some of the leftovers from yesterday!

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