August 1 slides smoothly into a new month with National Raspberry Cream Pie Day. I confess, I’m not entirely sold on the idea of Raspberry Cream pie, but I admit it does seem a solid use for the fruits of your labor!
August 2 finally gets away from anything fruit related with Ice Cream Sandwich Day. Share one with your sister as it is also Sister’s Day. I know you’re thinking this sounds like a great idea because it’s also Psychic Day!
August 3 is the perfect holiday for a hot summer day: National Watermelon Day! Watermelon is over 90 percent water making it an excellent cooling down food. Plus it’s healthy and low calorie which allows a sweet taste that doesn’t go to the waist!
August 4 is a day for dog lovers: Assistance Dog Day. My cat would like to know why there isn’t an Assistance Cat Day, but tell me honestly, when’s the last time you heard of a seeing eye cat?
August 5 has you stuffed from watermelon and junk food, but it’s still oppressively hot and humid. Fear not, I’ve got you covered – sort of. Strip down to your skivvies and proudly announce that you are celebrating Underwear Day!
August 6 continues the nudity trend with Wiggle Your Toes Day. I think the perfect way to celebrate is to attend a JAWS on the Water event!
August 7 is a beacon of holidays with Lighthouse Day. Fun fact: the world’s oldest lighthouse is in Spain. What better reason do you need to plan that vacation?
August 8 gives you the perfect reason to finally clean your basement or attic: Garage Sale Day. It’s also International Cat Day. Honor your cat by finally getting rid of that painting of the dogs playing poker.
August 9 might be my favorite holiday next to Christmas: Book Lovers Day. Since it’s better to give than receive, you can celebrate by giving your favorite book lover (or columnist) a new book!
August 10 is Lazy Day. The perfect excuse to do nothing! If you must break it, I suggest you do so by celebrating S’mores Day!
August 11 reminds us that summer is starting to wind down with Play in The Sand Day. Take a personal day, hit the beach and build a sand castle. Fall is coming and you don’t want to to look back with regret!
August 12 gets a little retro with Vinyl Record Day. Bust out the turntable and dust off your old LP’s! Then bang your head against a wall when your kids ask you what those funny looking CD’s are! It’s also Middle Child’s Day, but we don’t really need to worry about that.
August 13 happens to be one of my favorite holidays with International Lefthanders Day. If like myself you’re left handed in a right handed world, don’t despair: some of the coolest people in history have been left handed such as Jimmy Hendrix, Jon Stewart and Richard Simmons. Well OK, two out of three ain’t bad.
August 14 brings us back to food holidays with National Creamsicle Day. Take an opportunity to relive your childhood and chase down the ice cream man. Or if you prefer a more adult approach, mix orange soda and whipped cream flavored vodka. And if you drink too many, you’re in perfect shape for Relaxation Day on August 15!
August 16 might be a day you want to sit out after the revelries of the 14th and 15th, but if you’re feeling up to it, go check out the Cyclone on Coney Island for Rollercoaster Day. Just do yourself a favor and skip the pre-ride hot-dogs.
August 17 seems like it should be closer to Halloween with Black Cat Appreciation Day, but those in charge obviously aren’t reading Offbeat Almanac! Even so, black cats have lower adoption rates, so consider taking one in. Trust me, they’re not plotting to kill you – well, no more than any other cat.
August 18 is the perfect chance to show your affection with Bad Poetry Day. Write some awful prose for your loved one (or your new black cat). Here’s a head start: Roses are Red, Violets are Blue, Some poems rhyme, This one doesn’t.
August 19 is one for the shutterbugs with Photography Day. If you’re like me, you might try to use this as an excuse to convince your spouse to get you that new lens you’ve been coveting, or maybe you’d like to see my 1500 cat photos?
August 20 is a holiday I would just as soon not think about: World Mosquito Day. Sadly, I feel certain some mosquito out there is just dying to celebrate by having me as a snack! I can hear him now inviting all his friends and family. Who thinks of these days?!
August 21 caters to the sweet tooth again by celebrating National Spumoni Day. Spumoni is apparently a frozen desert that originated with the Italians. In Canada, they celebrate this day on November 13. I call it “Macy’s puts up their Christmas decorations day!”
August 22 reminds me of an old joke: two men are sitting on a bench, one comments “my wife is an angel.” The other sighs and says “You’re lucky, mine’s still alive.” Do a good deed today and honor Be An Angel Day. Just don’t take it too literally.
August 23 is a holiday in which I’m certain calories don’t count: National Sponge Cake Day. With a dessert as light and fluffy as sponge cake, most of the calories are just floating around in the ether, right? If you need full justification, tell yourself you’re honoring Queen Victoria. Rumor is that spongecake slathered in jam was her favorite teatime snack. Don’t you deserve to treat yourself like a queen?
August 24 marks the 9th anniversary of a very sad day in history: Pluto Demoted Day. Didn’t we all grow up learning “My Very Educated Mother Just Served Us Nine Pizzas”? All hope is not lost though as recent discoveries may vindicate us all. If not, we will just have to write songs for our dwarf planet in honor of International Strange Music Day.
August 25 is Kiss and Make Up Day. Sure, we both know that your partner was wrong, but on this one day maybe we can both overlook that and well, kiss and make up. I’m certain they’ll be wrong again tomorrow.
August 26 proves that it’s true that every dog has his (or her) day. It happens to be today! I’m pretty certain this was included because August holds not one but two cat holidays, but hey we’ll throw ’em a bone anyway!
August 27 I’m fairly certain exists simply to fill a gap as it is literally Just Because Day. In thinking about it though it’s the perfect day to do something random. Send a friend a funny card. Jump in a puddle. Stand in the back of the elevator and sing Bohemian Rhapsody at the top of your lungs. Just because.
August 28 seems like the sort of holiday made for nerds, but I beg to differ. Bow Tie Day is actually the perfect day to tie on (or clip on) your best bow tie and show it off to the world. It would be more perfect if it was Matt Smith’s (the Eleventh Doctor’s) birthday, but sadly that is October 28. Even so, bow ties really are cool.
August 29 lures us back towards food with More Herbs, Less Salt Day. Cutting one’s salt is almost always a good idea. For herbs, I recommend parsley, sage, rosemary and thyme. I don’t have a cure though for the Scarborough Fair ear worm I just put in your head. Sorry about that.
August 30 contains what I believe are two of the best holidays in existence: Toasted Marshmallow Day and Slinky Day. Just be sure not to toast your slinky, because I’m pretty sure that’s an environmental hazard!
August 31 wraps up the month of August and sadly, the summer, with National Eat Outside Day. For those in cooler climates, the days are getting noticeably shorter, and there’s beginning to be a nip in the air. You can help the mosquitoes celebrate too by being their last meal of the summer!
