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Mar 31 2017

Offbeat Almanac – April 2017

April 1:  Of course we all know today as April Fools Day, but did you know it is also Edible Book Day?  No joke!  Personally, I prefer a more figurative approach to my book devouring but hey, if literal is your thing, then today is your day!  Though might I suggest you try a hearty bowl of alphabet soup instead?

April 2: It’s National Peanut Butter and Jelly Day!  Celebrate today by cracking open a fresh jar of your favorite peanut butter and making yourself a sandwich!  Think of all the childhood memories you’ll be reliving.  Or if you’re like me and can’t have peanuts, use your favorite peanut butter substitute.  Just make sure you cut off the crusts!

April 3: Today is Don’t Go To Work Unless It’s Fun Day!  I think the celebratory method is pretty self explanatory.  Your boss might try to argue with you, but you can simply show them this article and explain that it’s a recognized national holiday.  Don’t worry, I’m sure you’ll find something else soon….

April 4: I’m not sure any of us are going to want to observe today as it is World Rat Day.  I know some folks thing rats are an under appreciated animal but I have to admit, I’m not really one of them.  Nevertheless, if you are a rat lover, then today is your day.  Just don’t be too cheesy about it!

April 5:  Today we observe one of my favorite holidays with Deep Dish Pizza Day!  Who can resist a thick, crunchy, and fluffy crust topped with gooey mozzarella and pepperoni?  Celebrate today by supporting your favorite pizza place!  Order a half a dozen larges – after all you don’t want to be caught unawares if there’s a sudden pizza shortage!

April 6: It’s Teflon Day!  Don’t worry, it’s only one day and I don’t believe this holiday will really stick.

April 7:  Laundry piling up?  Dishwasher not loaded? Living room still not vacuumed?  Don’t stress as today is National No Housework Day!  Put your feet up and relax a little.  All the chores will still be there tomorrow.  (at which point maybe you can get someone else to do it for you!)

April 8:  Let the little kid in you roam free as today is Take Your Parents to the Playground Day!  Admittedly, if you’re like me and you’re in your 40’s with parents in their 80’s, this might look a little odd but are you really going to let that stop you?  I hear that merry go round calling your name!  Hopefully you won’t barf this time….

April 9:  I don’t want to alarm you but, today is National Chicken Little Awareness Day!  Don’t worry, I checked, the sky is still there.

April 10:  Today is National Sibling Day!  (Is not!) (Is too!)  (Is not!)  (Is too!)  (Moooom!)

April 11:  It’s National Be Kind to Lawyers Day! No really, you have to be nice to them today or they’ll sue.

April 12:  Today is one of my favorite holidays with Drop Everything and Read Day!  When your boss or spouse or significant other starts hassling you about spending the entire day reading, send them here.  These holidays are important after all!

April 13: Today is Scrabble Day! Be zealous, exultant, and exuberant in your celebrations!

April 14:  It’s Dictionary Day!  Use the day to brush up on some of those words you didn’t think of during Scrabble Day yesterday.

April 15:  Bet you can’t figure out what holiday today is!  Circus Day?  (Well, OK, yeah) Alien Appreciation Day?  (Nope!) Give up?  It’s Take a Wild Guess Day!  (See what I did there?)

April 16:  Today is an eggselent holiday with Eggs Benedict Day!  Coincidentally (or perhaps not so) it is also Easter.  Why not put your leftover Easter eggs to good use and make some Eggs Benedict out of them?

April 17:  Today is Blah Blah Blah Day!  Which I suspect is the noise you hear in your head as you’re reading this column….

April 18:  It’s Velociraptor Awareness Day, today!  Trust me, if I were to ever encounter a velociraptor you can be assured that I would be VERY aware of it!

April 19: We’ve celebrated this one in the past but I feel it is worth commemorating again:  it’s National Wear Your Pajamas To Work Day!  Put on your favorite footies or your Wonder Woman sleeper and head to the office!  I’m sure your boss will understand.  After all, you and HR are old friends by now!

April 20: Today is Lima Bean Respect Day.  Let’s be honest, do any of us really think Lima beans deserve any respect?  Eat a green cupcake instead.  You’ll enjoy it more.

April 21: Is Tuna Rights Day!  Honestly, I think there’s something fishy about this holiday, but I cod be wrong.  I don’t wish tuna any eel will, however, so if it’s rights they want, it’s rights they shall have!

April 22: It’s National Day of Puppetry!  Even if you have to pull a few strings to do so, I’m certain you can find a way to celebrate today!  If not, I’m sure someone would be willing to lend you a hand!

April 23:  Today is English Language Day.  It also happens to to be Talk Like Shakespeare Day!  Celebrate by throwing out words like “forsooth” and “verfily” into your conversation.  Would the Bard steer you wrong?

April 24:  Get ready to ham it up as it’s National Pigs in a Blanket Day! First mentioned in 1957 in Betty Crocker’s Cooking for Kids, this fun little pastry is also known as devils on horseback.  Somehow that just doesn’t sound quite as appetizing!

April 25: It’s International Marconi Day!  Named after Guglielmo Marconi, the 1st Marquis of Marconi, who was the first person to send a wireless transmission across the Atlantic, International Marconi Day is a virtual gathering of radio aficionados who broadcast around the world using the same radio technology Marconi used.  Celebrate like it’s 1901 and join the festivities by tuning in!  Or you can just pretend you know what you’re talking about and wish everyone you see today Happy Marconi Day.  Your choice.

April 26:  Today is a sedimental holiday for some.  In fact, on a scale of 0 to 9.5 I’d say it’s a pretty solid 7 for most.  Celebrations may leave you quaking in your boots, but don’t be shaken, I know you’ll be back on solid footing soon.  It’s National Richter Scale Day!

April 27:  – — -.. .- -.– / .. … / — — .-. … . / -.-. — -.. . / -.. .- -.– # / -.. .- … …. / — ..-. ..-. / .- -. -.. / -.-. . .-.. . -… .-. .- – . / .- -.-. -.-. — .-. -.. .. -. –. .-.. -.– #

April 28:  Look!  It’s a bird!  It’s a plane!  No, it’s simply National Superhero Day.  Wear a cape and celebrate your favorite superhero today!  Unless your favorite is Wolverine in which case the whole Edward Scissorhands thing could get awkward when trying to greet your co-workers.  On second thought, celebrate on the down low today.  After all, you don’t want to give away your secret identity, do you?

April 29:  Today is Viral Video Day!  Whether you’re enthralled by the Ninja Cat or you’re angry at being Rick-Rolled, today is your day!  Sit back, relax, and YouTube all your favorite viral videos.  Just be careful and don’t let Charlie bite your finger ’cause ain’t nobody got time for that!

April 30:  Uh… What’s up, Doc?  It’s duck season!  No, it’s rabbit season!  Actually, it’s Bugs Bunny Day!  Queue up “What’s Opera, Doc?” or “The Rabbit of Seville” and relax!  Hopefully Elmer Fudd won’t find you, but if he does, just drop an ACME anvil on his head and continue your day.  Don’t worry, he’ll recover in time for his honeymoon with Bugs!

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